I may have had my most significant breakthrough in many years!!

A long time ago, perhaps as a teen, I’d made a decision along these lines:

“I hate getting criticized, so the best way to avoid it is to be super-critical of myself and even voice those self-criticisms aloud. That way, I will make myself perfect and there will be nothing for anyone to criticize. Or at least, people will feel sorry for me since they see how hard I am on myself.” This went along with my belief that nothing I did was ever quite good enough and that I, Cathy, was “not good enough.”

Wearing my homemade “deer ears” – better hearing

And yet, harsh as I was on myself, there were always people in my life ready to judge and criticize me. Also, the more I judged myself, the more I found myself filled with judgments of others.

As part of an online Peer Support Circle I had recently organized (inspired by Lynne McTaggart’s Power of Eight), I had set myself a goal to hear better by clearing up the congestion in my Eustachian tubes. A question that anyone with hearing loss might ask themselves, is: “What don’t you want to hear?” My answer, of course, was “Criticism! Judgments!”

Like me, you’ve probably heard that if one judges oneself, it’s a double-edged sword; it’s usually accompanied by judging others. Even so, I didn’t see that I had any choice except to judge myself.

About a year ago, I had a Colombian housemate who not only criticized my housekeeping, but became downright abusive, yelling at me. No matter how much I tried to improve or to placate her in order to escape her criticism, it only became more and more intense. Finally I realized that I did not need to tolerate this abuse, and asked her to leave. A short time before that, I lived for two months with a German woman who not only criticized me vehemently for things like closing the refrigerator door too carelessly, but also mocked me daily with cutting sarcasm. (She was a very wounded person.) 

And this time around, living in a house with nine other people, there is one woman who has been consistently quite critical of me, even for things which I had not done. About a month ago I did The Work of Byron Katie to examine my thoughts about this. In the “turnaround,” Katie suggests changing the pronouns, for instance: “She shouldn’t criticize me” can turn into “I shouldn’t criticize myself” or “I shouldn’t criticize her.” Examining these statements, I could see that they are equally true…the essence of projection.

The next day I was talking on the phone with my best friend, who told me she’d had a breakthrough. She had always believed that her mother had abandoned her when she was very young by placing her in an orphanage for awhile. However, she knew that her mother was unable to cope and facing such financial strain that she might have to live in her car. Her new perspective was, “I wasn’t abandoned–my mother was trying to ensure that I would be safe and cared for.”

This shift in perspective had allowed a huge change in her perception of her mother and her childhood. I was so inspired by her, that I had a shift in perception myself!

A phrase came to me: “As I believe, I will receive.” (If I believe I am not good enough, I will receive others’ criticism. If I accept myself, others will accept me.) 

I thought, “Well, what if my self-judgments are attracting the judgments of all these other people? What if, instead of resigning myself to forever believing I’m not good enough and having other people judge and criticize me, I shifted to accepting myself? Maybe that would result in not attracting all that judgment–and make it easier for me to stop judging others, too.” The choice was suddenly quite clear: Accept myself, or keep suffering the pain of criticism from others. Not only that–if I am “not good enough,” that means I don’t deserve to have any of the good things in life, such as making a comfortable income from meaningful work, and having a loving partner. 

My practice is now, that every time I start to judge myself mentally, I interrupt the thought with “Even though I made a mistake/messed up, I deeply and completely love and accept myself exactly as I am.” At the same time, I take a slow, deep breath, then exhale while releasing the self-judgment. I imagine filling the space all around me with a warm, protective layer of self-acceptance. 

It also occurred to me that, instead of pushing myself and taking my body for granted, I would extend some gratitude to each part of my body for serving me so faithfully and functioning so well over all these 79 years.

After such a long time, it may take a little while to rewrite the old program. But I am HOPEFUL! And as for the housemate, I have not heard one critical word from her in the past month, which is a small miracle. Instead, she has been giving me small compliments. It’s much less painful to accept myself, than to suffer judgments and conflicts!

I share this, in the hopes that perhaps you too will discover a new perspective on some harmful belief you may be holding. I’d love it if you’d write to me and share your own stories! cathy@breathing4health.net.

The Power of Small Groups

The importance of small support groups has been demonstrated by such pioneers as Dean Ornish, MD in his work with recovering heart attack patients (bypassing the need for bypass surgery), and Lynne McTaggart with her “Power of Eight” groups. Barbara Sher’s “Success Teams” have helped many people succeed in their life goals, as the group shares ideas, resources, emotional support, and intentions. My holistic health teacher and mentor, Dr. Erik Peper, taught large health classes at San Francisco State College; each class had time for students to break into small groups to share their experiences with deep relaxation, imagery, self-regulation, and behavior change. The healings in those classes over the course of a semester were remarkable: recovery from chronic pain, migraines, skin problems, digestive issues, mood swings, addictive eating, and more.

In her book The Power of Eight, McTaggart details the many ways she studied and worked with the power of shared intention – from influencing the growth of seeds, to the pH of water, to violence levels, to multiple health concerns.
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Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art, by James Nestor

Highlights (with thanks to Eyal Shifroni)

This book taught me much that I did not know about breathing, despite my years as a respiratory therapist and biofeedback therapist. The author’s dedication to understanding and trying out every possible therapy (even when difficult) to help himself and share with others, is remarkable! And his descriptions are vivid. He even traveled to a little known spot in underground Paris to study ancient skulls!

There’s a lot in this summary, so it’s in two parts. I’ve added a bit of commentary here and there. I was fascinated to learn that indigenous people’s teeth and airways were in such better shape than ours! And we have much to learn from ancient yogic pranayama methods. Continue reading →

Heart coherence is a state in which, through slow rhythmic breathing and focusing on positive emotions such as love and gratitude, our heart rhythms change to a smooth, orderly sine-wave pattern. The heart’s rhythms generate a powerful electromagnetic signal which influences all the other systems in the body, including the brain, nervous system, digestive system, and immune system. It feels wonderful!

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Did you know that sometimes anxiety is a result of how you breathe? That we don’t just breathe fast because we’re anxious, but also vice versa?

Most of the time we’re not very conscious of our breathing, and for good reason–it’s automatic, so that we won’t die because we forgot to breathe! However, conscious breathing gives us a lot more choices as to how we feel in any given moment.

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Breath: Highlights, part 2

Slow

The amount of carbon dioxide in our body is usually too low. Olson (the partner in nose vs. mouth breathing research) claimed: “Regardless of the breathing rate, the body will always have enough oxygen; what the body needs to function properly is not faster or deeper breaths, but sufficient carbon dioxide.”

Henderson, a researcher at Yale, found that “carbon dioxide is the main hormone in the entire body; it is the only one produced in every tissue in the body and is likely to act on every organ…carbon dioxide is a more fundamental component of living matter than oxygen.”

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Scott Schwenk: wake up, grow up, clean up, show up. How I breathe = how I live. Am I in the present moment, embodied? Soften the body through the breath. Receive the breath, be breathed by life. Breathe love to self, others.

Lisa McNett: OneBreathInstitute.com. Breath tunes us into our needs: what wants to move or open? Breathe into tight spaces. Pause, breathe, ask, listen.

Stephen Porges: breathwork & polyvagal theory. When we’re triggered, do self-care. Our physiological state determines how we react to the world. When we’re bombarded with threat cues, we shut down. Calmness improves relationships. Cues of safety include: calmness of the other person, music, melodic voices. When we move and breathe, can process more feelings. We all need to feel safe with others. Synchronous breathing bonds people. Remove cues of threat and replace with cues of safety. Humming, singing stimulate the vagus nerve. Continue reading →